Breakeven
by AnnieAltman88
Summary: Mouri Ran loves corny chick flicks, clichéd declarations of love, and Kudo Shinichi. But these things do change. Shin/Shiho, minor Shin/Ran. Oneshot.


**A/N: **Gosh, it's been a while. Here's my latest. I honestly have no idea where this one came from. It was really hard to find inspiration for this particular piece but I somehow pulled through. I did listen to a lot of music. Some particulars are _Breakeven_ by the Script (from which the title is derived),_ If This Was A Movie_ by Taylor Swift, and _Amazed_ (Piano Version) by Lonestar.

I'm sort of experimenting with a new writing style. So yeah, sorry if it's bad or confusing.

Oh, and be warned: there is disproportionately large amount of Ran. Though it is Shinichi/Shiho (don't be misled). Some Shinichi/Ran, I suppose. I don't know.

Also, there is repetition. But it's on purpose, guys. And it's pretty long. I worked on it here & there over the course of a month or so. It's probably better if you read it when you have a lot of time on your hands. That's how I wrote it!

I wish I could pick three genres. Just know that this story is a mix of Friendship/Hurt/Comfort & Romance. Can't forget the romance now, can we?

Please enjoy! And review or I will be super sad.

Disclaimer: I totally do not own any aspect of Detective Conan/Case Closed whatsoever.

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><p><strong>Breakeven<strong>

Mouri Ran loves corny chick flicks, romantic novels, clichéd declarations of love, and guaranteed happy endings. She won't ever tell you this, but she loves to think about how one day, her prince charming _(coughKudoShinichicough)_ will come to sweep her off her feet and confess his unwavering love for her, and they will get married and their mothers would be _oh so happy,_ and her father would not get drunk at the wedding and her best friend Sonoko would be her maid of honor, and they would say their vows and kiss with the fireworks in the background and have little brown-haired, blue-eyed children. And everything would be _perfect_.

Then, one day, her parents separated.

She remembers it all too clearly. She cried for three nights straight. And the night Eri came back to collect her things, Ran had flung herself into her mother's arms, sobbing.

_You and dad were supposed to be __perfect__ together, _she thinks but doesn't say. Eri can't bring herself to look her daughter in the eye, so she instead settles on a shard of broken glass from a liquor bottle and gingerly pats her daughter's small, shaking form.

Ran gets over it eventually, though, because she's a tough girl and her father was taking it worse than she was and she _has_ to be strong for him. (Except she doesn't ever really get over it, because _how can you get over the fact that your parents no longer love each other?_)

But then Ran meets Kudo Shinichi and finds herself lost in his ocean eyes. He helps her cope and it doesn't take long for them to become best friends. And it takes even less time for Mouri Ran to fall for Kudo Shinichi, and his obnoxious (but incredibly charming) know-it-all-ness, his obsession and love for Sherlock Holmes (sometimes Ran wonders if he'll ever love her the way he loves Holmes), and the way he just _knows _her, like nobody else does (not her dad, not Sonoko, not even her mom knows her like Shinichi does).

_Kudo Shinichi is perfect_. With his enticing smirk, his quick wit, his cowlick that won't ever stay flat no matter how many times she combs it, his infinite supply of useless information, the way his deductions render even the professionals speechless, the way all the girls swoon at his feet but he only really pays attention to her, the way he'll sometimes gaze into her eyes unknowingly as he loses himself in a case (_oh how he makes her _melt). Sometimes, Ran finds excuses to be mad at him (so no one, especially not _him_, will realize how _perfect_ she thinks he is). She yells at him for his tardiness, his tendency to neglect her when it comes to cases, and his rare moments of pervertedness (_ew_). But really, she loves the fact that he's not so perfect to other people (because that just makes him all the more perfect to her.)

Then, years later, Kudo Shinichi disappears.

It's not unusual at first. Ran knows that he loves mysteries and it is by no means out of character for him to travel far and get completely lost in a case. Except he never returns.

Kudo Shinichi is gone for months, and he seldom ever visits her (_his bestfriend, what the hell?_) When he does, it's only for a short period of time and before she knows it, the boy she had fallen in love with was leaving her (_again and again and again_).

And it's not just that he was physically leaving her. He had stopped being _the_ Kudo Shinichi who was her best friend. He calls her, occasionally, but with each harried phone call, they only seem to grow further apart.

"_When are you coming back?" s_he would ask.

"_Soon", _he would reply. "_I miss you, Ran. I'll try to be back soon." _

Every. Single. Call. Same question, same answer. It's become something of a routine. Rehearsed. Meaningless.

Then, one night, she hears another voice on the line. And it's unmistakably female.

"_Er – Sorry, Ran. Gotta go." _He hastily hangs up, leaving her angry and bitter (_and a tiny bit heartbroken, but shhh, no one needs to know_).

Shinichi calls again two weeks later, and Ran can't help but think that it's taken longer than usual for him to pick up the dang phone and dial his _bestfriend's_ number. But he's happier than usual so she also can't help but feel a bit happy too. Another two weeks pass before she gets another call from him. And this time, he's practically _ecstatic_. Ran likes to think it's because he's talking to her (except he was never this excited during their previous conversations, but she conveniently overlooks this minor detail).

The last time Shinichi calls her, he is grave. He voice is so heavy, laden with "_stress from the case_", and Ran longs to somehow extend her hand and hold his over the phone (_and then he'll come back to her and they'll kiss and live happily ever after just like in the fairytales_).

"_Ran, this may be the last time I ever talk to you." _His voice shakes. _No. No, this can't be happening. Please don't say he's found another girl, please, no –_

"_But, Sh –" _Ran begins. He cuts her off.

"_Shut up for a second, Ran! I..." _For once, Kudo Shinichi is at a loss for words. "_You're my best friend, Ran. You always will be. And I swear, I will do whatever it takes to… to see you again. I won't go down without a fight."_

And then he hangs up. No _I miss you, _or_ I'll talk to you later. _No_ I love you._

She cries. Because though she may be strong (_or as strong as everyone thinks she is_), Mouri Ran is still a girl. And even the strongest of girls cry when their best friend (_lover_) is leaving them for good.

Then, the very next day, newspapers throughout the world are reporting of the sudden downfall of an insidious criminal syndicate that had been terrorizing the world for generations. Ran easily puts two and two together. She is a smart girl, after all. A bit of a romantic, yes, but smart.

So whatever mission Kudo Shinichi was involved in was a success. The question was, _is Kudo Shinichi alive?_

Ran finds out a week later that Kudo Shinichi is, indeed, alive when he comes to visit her at the agency. His hair is ruffled and his shirt not tucked but he looks great, as always, and before she knows it, Ran is throwing herself into his arms (_because she misses him so, so much_). For a moment, Ran thinks that everything is back to the way it was, everything's _perfect_ again.

But then she takes another look at him and notices that he was leaning crutches (well, now he's leaning on her_, and oh God is it hot in here or what)_.

She panics and demands to know what happened, all while fussing over him and bringing him a glass of water even though he refuses it at first (_because that's what perfect girlfriends do_).

Shinichi sits her down and patiently tells her a story, about an evil criminal syndicate.

"_So horrible"_, Shinichi says, "_but so smart." _

He tells her that he never wanted to leave her. He says if he had contacted her at all, they could have killed her and he just couldn't let that happen because he cared for her too much. Ran thinks about how knights in shining armor protect damsels in distress.

Then he stands up to leave and Ran's just thinking _that's all?_ She's not satisfied and she lets him know (_because in a perfect relationship, there are _no_ secrets_), but he tells her he's really tired and would really just like to be home at the moment.

So Shinichi leaves.

Shinichi leaves her home. Shinichi leaves her disappointed.

But Ran gets over it (_remember she's _strong).

Then, a week after Shinichi's short visit, Sonoko calls her to invite her shopping. Ran says yes.

They browse expensive, brand-name stores for a while, like they always do on their mall trips. Sonoko spends much of her father's money, though no matter how many nice things she buys, not a dent is made in his savings. Ran buys little. She always does, even though she often stares longingly at some of the beautiful gowns she sees in the display windows.

After a while, they stop at the food court. Sonoko picks at a salad she doesn't want but bought because she is on a diet. Ran takes little tiny bites of her own salad.

Then she sees him.

She stands up so abruptly, her chair makes a loud scraping noise and several heads turn towards her. Blushing slightly, she lifts her right arm and waves it frantically in Shinichi's direction.

_Oh wait. No._

He's with another girl.

Ran stares at her. Stares at her flawless light skin, her wavy gold hair, her pearl-white teeth, her radiant blue eyes, her perfect sense of style, her long legs, that aura of superiority. _She was absolutely perfect_.

Then, Shinichi, smiling ever so slightly, leans over and effectively cuts her off mid-rant by kissing her cheek.

Ran bites her lip as the tears start blurring her vision. Sonoko's looking at her strange. Her fork has long since dropped from her hand. Ouch. Her head hurts. She needs to get out of there. Like _now_.

She grabs her purse and runs. She really has no idea where to. _Just run. _

She does make it home safely, though she doesn't quite remember how. Sonoko's a little bit peeved but Ran promises to make it up to her. Ran also promises herself to pretend like nothing happened. Nope. Nothing at all. She repeats it over and over in her head. Whenever she's reminded of Shinichi and that girl. Whenever someone asks her what's wrong. _Nothing. Nothing at all._

Then, she receives a letter from Shinichi.

_Ran, _it says. _I would really like you to meet somebody. Meet me at Beika Park this Saturday at 12 a.m._

Ran crumples up the paper without a second thought, rips it into shreds and throws the pieces in the air even though she knows she will have to clean them up later.

Ran already knows who Shinichi's "_s__omebody_" is. She considers not going, but that would be mean, and Mouri Ran can't bear to be mean. Too many things are running through her mind. Her head hurts again.

But she's there. Saturday morning. 11:52 a.m. (_because she's _never_ late for Shinichi, even if he's always late for her_). Running children. Laughing parents. Elderly couples on their daily stroll. Everything's great. Fantastic. _Just fine and dandy._

Ran sees him (_with his somebody_) before he sees her. She's tempted to run again (_that seems to be the answer to all her problems involving him_) but wills herself against it.

Shinichi finally sees Ran, standing stiffly beneath the Sakura tree, and they walk towards her, holding hands. His somebody looks just as nervous as he does, but neither of them is half as nauseous as she is at the moment.

"_Hey,_ _Ran!" _he says, a little bit too cheerfully.

"_Shinichi_," Ran smiles. She tries not to look too hesitant.

"_Ran, this is Miyano Shiho_," Shinichi grins at the girl to his right and squeezes her hand. "She's _my... girlfriend_."

The girl nods, the faintest smile on her face. It's genuine. "_Pleasure,_" she says. Ran can't help but be reminded of Haibara Ai, Conan-kun's quiet friend.

The three of them converse for a little bit. Ran just keeps on smiling. (_But really, she's dying inside._)

Shinichi invites her to lunch with the two of them but Ran politely declines. She doesn't think she can handle any more smiling. Her mouth hurts. (_And her heart aches_.) Of course, she doesn't tell Shinichi any of this.

She watches them walk away, no longer holding hands but still undoubtedly in love, and feels a million different emotions. After a while, Ran heads home, changes into her comfiest clothing, and curls up in a ball on her bed, trying not to think at all. (_Because if she does, she'll only think bad things_.)

Ran falls into something like a depression, except it's not entirely sadness what she feels. A little bit of loneliness, she supposes. Jealousy, definitely. Hurt. Anger.

Hollow.

But somewhere, deep, deep, deep, deep, _deep_ down, lays a teensy amount of relief. And happiness. For Shinichi. For Miyano Shiho. Maybe even for herself, because she can finally _move on_ with her life, for the first time since Shinichi left.

Ran never stops thinking of Shinichi as her _bestfriend_. She's a strong believer in forever, after all. And she's still his best friend too. Just like in the good old days, Shinichi would call her up and invite her to see a movie. Or go to the park. Or help him with his latest case. Sometimes with Miyano Shiho and sometimes without.

Shinichi helps her cope. (_Granted, he's the reason for her pain, but he helps her nonetheless_.)

At first, Ran always turns him down. But eventually, she gets over her ridiculousness and accepts, and for the first time in a long while, they hang out (_just_ _like best friends do_). They go see a plot-less chick flick (he lets her choose) and she asks him if Miyano Shiho would mind that he's with another girl. He smiles and says no. Ran believes him (though that perverse part of her brain is still convinced that she's better for him).

Three outings later, Shinichi invites her to lunch. This time, with Miyano Shiho. Ran tries to refuse, but he's practically _begging_. So she goes.

Miyano Shiho, it turns out, isn't a complete bitch (as that disobedient but gradually diminishing part of Ran's mind had hoped). She's quiet and a little sarcastic, and there's something about her that Ran can only describe as _cold_. But Miyano is not only polite, but is also certainly going out of her way to befriend Ran. Shinichi leaves for the bathroom at one point, and when Miyano makes a quip about his digestive problems, Ran can't help but laugh. Then, it starts to rain and Miyano insists that Ran take her expensive Burberry coat, since her and Shinichi have less of a distance to walk anyway. This is enough to kill all of Ran's previous nasty thoughts about her (_but there weren't many!_)

Ran slowly begins to accept the fact that perhaps, although she still believed that Shinichi was perfect for her, she just wasn't perfect for him.

Two months, three weeks, and a day pass. Mouri Ran, Suzuki Sonoko, and Kudo Shinichi graduate from Teitan High School (Miyano Shiho, despite being the same age as them, has somehow already completed her high school education). There is no doubt in Ran's mind that Shinichi probably would have been valedictorian, if it weren't for the fact that he has missed over half the school year.

Nevertheless, it was a happy day. Both Ran's parents are there. They had managed to reconcile and come together peacefully in order to celebrate their daughter's special day. At one point, Ran even sees them holding hands (_at this, she is positively _giddy_)_.

After the ceremony, Ran looks for Shinichi, to tell him congratulations (and maybe give him a _long_ hug). She eventually finds him and Shiho in a much less crowded area, sharing a very private moment.

Ran watches as Shiho presents the Shinichi, graduation cap and all, with a single lily, unwrapped and unadorned, but beautiful nonetheless. Shiho leans up to whisper something into his ear, which evokes a true smile from the detective, and kisses him softly on the lips. Shinichi smirks and says something Ran can't hear, before pulling his girlfriend in for another.

Ran leaves. She is an outsider, wistfully observing two people who have finally found their places in this not-so-perfect world.

Ran admits it. Maybe she's striving too hard for something she can never attain. Something no one can ever attain. She cannot beat herself up, or cry herself to sleep every night, wishing for more than what she has.

Because, maybe, there's no such thing as perfect. Maybe love is as close as it gets.

Shinichi gets it better than she does. Shinichi's moved on. And so can she. Someday, Ran will find somebody who will love her the way Shinichi loves Shiho.

Ran thinks this all the way home.

It's this thought that keeps her going. This thought is what allows her to say goodbye to Shinichi and take that first step into the airplane, which will take her away (_far enough_), and into her new life. She'll study hard and (maybe) find a nice man and settle down.

She'll never forget Shinichi, though. (_She doesn't think she could if she tried_.) Ran promises him and Shiho that she will visit during her semester breaks. In return, he promises to always keep in contact, no matter how busy college makes him, and laughs as she trips over another passenger's suitcase.

At this, Ran turns around and tearfully jumps back into his arms, giving him one final, lasting hug. Shinichi pats her back and threatens to have security pry her off him. But when Ran finally composes herself and takes her last look at him, she finds that Shinichi isn't quite as indifferent as he presents. In fact, the look in his eyes is enough to make Ran want to cancel her flight and stay with him in Beika forever. But she can't do that. She knows this.

So she waves feebly to all her loved ones, biting back tears as she boards the plane, and (_temporarily_) steps out of their lives.

Goodbyes are always painful – no matter the circumstances.

But it's not forever. Not this time. She tells herself this to make herself feel better.

Ran attends a university. She keeps her promise and writes to Shinichi, Sonoko, and her parents on a regular basis. Ran also takes on a part time job and even manages to make enough money to send Shiho a new Burberry coat for the young woman's birthday. And when it's Shinichi's birthday, she flies back to Beika for the weekend in order to attend his birthday dinner. She gives him his present and they hug and it's not the slightest bit awkward.

They are twenty-four when Ran receives an invitation to Shinichi and Shiho's wedding. She is reminded of the day (_oh how the time flies_) when she read a different (but _similar_) invitation from Shinichi, and tore it up in bitterness and disappointment.

Now, however, Ran takes the time to admire the intricate handiwork printed on the card. It features a simple yet wonderful display of silver and teal, birds and branches, ribbons and calligraphy. She thinks of Shinichi's blue eyes and Shiho's grace and the springtime (when the wedding will take place) and can't help but think that it was just so _fitting_.

Ran attends the wedding without a second thought. It is everything she has ever wanted, and even though none of it is for her, Ran is delighted. For Shinichi. For Miyano Shiho. For herself.

She knows she will get her turn eventually.

She does enjoy herself. The decorations are lovely, the food delicious, the guests joyful, and the weather kind. But nothing was more glorious than the look that adorned the bride and groom's faces. There was a softness in their eyes that showed nothing but love and joy and sincerity and promise. All the shared secrets and sideway glances and smiles and breakdowns and laughter and hard times and friendships and tears and hope that is utterly unique to _Shinichi&Shiho_. (_Their eyes tell all._)

Everything else could have been disastrous and it wouldn't have mattered. Because Ran highly doubts that any storm could have prevented Shiho and Shinichi from saying their vows. Their happy ending was guaranteed. And no one could tell them otherwise.

That was the beauty of it.

There is no such thing as perfect, yet somehow Shinichi and Shiho have managed it.

And for that, Ran is glad.


End file.
